Negotiating with Influence: Irrefutable Laws Nine and Ten

Why do so many people go on endless training courses, continuously signing up for the next version of the same thing. I often wonder about this and in my ruminations about this behaviour I suddenly realised why this is.

The answer came to me as a bought yet another book and watched another DVD on sales etc The reason for many (I presume based on my own reasons) is that we tend to have a habit of going and spending a lot of time (& money) attending, listening, watching, even taking notes on the subject and then never truly doing anything with that knowledge with the result that after all this excellent investment, we haven’t taken the time to truly learn what we set out to learn

When I look up learn (online) the following words come up

“acquire a knowledge of, gain an understanding of, acquire skill in”

Which brings us to Irrefutable Law 9 and Irrefutable Law Ten of the Ten Irrefutable Laws of Negotiating with influence!


Lets take a look at the wealth of useful information you’ve uncovered over the past weeks. Tips and techniques which when applied will – Get you more “Yes” to more of your requests, build more long term value adding relationships and ultimately enjoy a more fulfilling life

In Irrefutable Law One – You have to communicate what you want! You learned that if you don’t ask you don’t get and I shared a few classic tips on how to do this including “Ask for more than what you want”

Irrefutable Law Two – Sell it, don’t tell it! You learned the value message of structuring your message in such a way that showed value to the person and I shared among-st other powerful tips the art of reciprocation “if I, will you”

Irrefutable Law Three – You must add value then took you further down the journey of influence by introducing you to the key message “You are not paid for your time, but for the value you bring” and I hope really highlighted the importance and power of giving more than and getting involved in more than just your role and pay grade. I will never forget a story that the Better than good and Better than Most Legendary speaker and trainer Les Brown shared about the guy that volunteered his time at a business (he had lost his job and was struggling to find work) and was ready and willing to do anything and everything that people around the office asked of him. Within a few short weeks, the story goes, one of the senior managers left the company … who do you think got the job?

Irrefutable Law Four – You must handle the objection! Stressed the power of ‘challenging any NO’s you receive as this helped identify what you needed to improve and got you closer to your goals in the long run (I also shared a tried and tested method of doing this)

Irrefutable Law Five – Master in You! Introduced you to the biggest barrier as to why most of us struggle to apply Irrefutable Laws One – Not having the self-confidence as a result of not believing in yourself. I also shared a number of valuable resources which would help you become the powerful person you are destined to be

Irrefutable Law Six – Become a student of people! was a key moment as it stressed the message that “as important as knowing who you are, it is vitally important not to make this the focus as it results in operating from as position of ‘position’ rather than from a position of ‘Interest’ which is the easiest way to undo all the good work done so far

Irrefutable Law Seven – Know the game! the introduced you to the fact that all of this is simply a game and to truly move forward it is important to be able to identify the games and their rules of the parties involved. It is equally important to decide up front whether you choose to play that particular game or not

Irrefutable Law Eight – Become a person of influence! My most highly rated rule of the lot introduced you to the subtle yet immense difference between being influential and having influence.

Which brings us to

Irrefutable Law Nine – Practice! 

If you truly want to become a person who negotiates with influence it is imperative that you practice what you now know. As the famous saying goes

“knowing is not enough when doing is the key”

A few words of consolation at this point (from my experiences) For many of us, many of these Laws and principles are not easy or natural due to a range of reasons and therefore applying them is going to be hard. Applying them is going to be painful. You will (and I did, many a time) get it wrong and therein lies the magic. It is not about doing it right but getting it right. As Les Brown famously says

“Anything  is worth doing (Irrefutable Laws One-Eight) is worth doing … badly until you are doing it right”

And as Bernard Shaw said

“If you teach a man/woman anything, he/she will never learn. Learning is a learning process”

With the above in mind, here are a few tips to ease you into this practice phase ensuring you haven’t only acquired information but are forming a new habit

  • Tip One – Small steps – Choose one thing and one thing only from all these tips that you are going to commit to doing (Tip Two) The reason for only one (at max two things) is that this makes it manageable. More than two makes it complicated
  • Tip Two – Consistent habit forming – commit to doing this action every interaction for thirty days straight. Why thirty days? Something about it becoming a habit after 30 consecutive days of intentional application
  • Tip Three – Be intentional about the application! This means that before every interaction you pause a moment to make the decision to apply the practice piece. Write it out, read it to yourself, Visualize yourself doing/saying it, and Say/Do it out loud (perhaps in a private space is recommend lol) This sets your mind up for success
  •  Tip Three – recognise the application. It is important to recognise and celebrate key mile stones. give yourself a little reward for having done it for a day, a week, two weeks etc This practice tells you that what you are doing is in fact pleasurable
  • Tip Four – Do it consecutively for 30 days. This means if you miss a day you start again. why? because that is what it takes to create a habit

But that’s not all!!

In order to truly create the magic you need to bring it all together

Irrefutable Law Ten – Keep Learning

Remember you are going to stumble, you are going to fumble HOWEVER if you diligently focus on these Nine Rules you will eventually become the person you want to be

Each no is an opportunity to try again, to try it a different way


Keep Learning, never stop expecting greatness and above all keep your eye on the prize


Have a great evening and God bless

Negotiating with Influence: Irrefutable Law Five

Here’s a riddle for you –

Two people: Same gender (your choice as to which); same age; same experience, same education and upbringing; same race, cast etc, etc both doing the same job. One earns three times more than the other.

How is that even possible? (Remember everything in this scenario is equal between the two) This is a story I picked from the late and great Jim Rohn, Author, entrepreneur and motivational speaker.

The answer he shared is the difference in mind-set – One knows who they are and what they want and the other doesn’t

And this brings us onto probably the most important of the Ten Irrefutable Laws to Negotiation and Influence

Irrefutable Law Five: You need to become a master of you!


I love this quote by Sun Tzu! How totally pertinent to the whole concept of being able to (or not) negotiate with influence and effectively and consistently apply the first four Irrefutable Laws. As you might have guessed by now, the biggest barrier to applying the first four laws is that most of us go through life not ever taking the time to sit down and understand ourselves, who we are, what we stand for, what we want. The result – we muddle through most things perpetually being disappointed because although on the surface what we are receiving; achieving; doing seems OK, but unfortunately tdeep down it is at best just OK but not GREAT; and at worst completely not what we want but because we have never sat down to put all our values and needs into perspective we don’t know how or are afraid to do anything about it. So we put up our hands, murmur that just the way it goes or blame it on Murphy and suffer in silence with the long term consequence being that we end up with Low self belief and low self confidence

If you are reading this and recognising elements of this in you, I am here to tell you that this doesn’t have to be your scene and that you can change it! Write this down

“If you truly want to be able to negotiate with influence you have to identify and manage your wants and needs. If you don’t manage your wants and needs, your wants and needs will  manage you”

If you do this and apply Laws Six – Ten you will easily apply Laws One – Four and will enjoy a fulfilling and Flourishing life

Here are a few tips on how to apply Irrefutable Law Five

  • Tip one – Identify and commit to what you want out of life. A few questions to help you get started on this before you move onto the next tip. Before you move onto the next tip take a few minutes and answer the following questions. Do not move onto the next tip before you have answered the following questions, truthfully, honestly and with deep reflection
    • Write down five things you have accomplished in your life. They can be big, small and be from any part of your life. All you need to do is identify five things you have achieved.
    • Write down at least fifty things you want to be, do, or have in the next five years. Once again nothing is too big or too small. This is not about whether its possible or not possible. simply take a few minutes and jot down at least fifty things that you want to be, do or have.
  • Tip twoYou have to work on a plan to make these things happen. At this point I would say that it would be worth getting help to put this together as the temptation to give up because planning this seems hard is too great. Trust me when I say that what you want you will get (if you make a note of it and write it down and plan for it) always remember self-fulfilling prophesies

Here’s a saying from a mentor of mine and master of success Napolean Hill , self help author of one of the top ten self help books of all time Think and Grow Rich

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.”

  • Tip threeidentify how you tend to communicate (in other words your ‘personality type‘) and how you tend to handle conflict and identify what your purpose is and strengths are as well as how you measure up in emotional intelligence (I have linked a specific book for each area which not only provides great information to learn from but also provides an evaluation to guide you. these are all books which I have turned to consistently in my years of personal development and which have helped me greatly. I also use as reference in my training sessions)
  • Tip four – Put together a development plan (once again I suggest doing this with a coach or mentor) to help you improve your strengths and weakness areas)
  • Tip five – Identify your B.A.T.N.A, W.A.P, M.D.O, M.R.O – These are relevant specifically before you engage in any interaction where you are going to ask for something and they stand for
    • B.A.T.N.A – Best alternative to a negotiated agreement. This can be interpreted in two ways
      • Have something on the boiler which is as good as the thing you are trying to get. The power in this strategy is that it means that you don’t NEED the thing you want, you have something else and therefor have better bargaining power
      • You identify something in the negotiable relationship which can be out in the table instead of negotiating
    • W.A.P – Your Walk Away Point – This is the lowest, least you are willing to go to/give away whilst still maintaining a win in your mind. If you go and accept below this point you will feel cheated. you must be able to walk away never sell yourself short
    • M.D.O – Most Desired Outcome. Think back to the tips in Irrefutable Law One! This is the shooting for the stars, your dream outcome
    • M.R.O – Most Realistic Outcome.  It would be silly not to have identified what a realistic result would look like

There you have it, five tips on how to ensure you are in a position to become a master of you, to know yourself and thereby truly build your self confidence allowing you to negotiate with influence

Tomorrow Irrefutable Law Six


Have a fab evening