It’s not what you said or did that your people remember, but rather how what you said or did made them feel
It’s not what you said or did that your people remember, but rather how what you said or did made them feel
If you want to be seen as a Leader, you have to sound like one
*Jemma is a successful sales consultant who works for a growing tech firm in London’s East End. Energetic, engaging and radiating positivity, Jemma was well liked by her colleagues, senior leadership team, and clients and although only having started with the firm two years previously as a trainee consultant – had already received several promotions and was on the succession plan. Six months ago, Jemma was promoted to team leader, and as part of the promotion was given responsibility to manage a team of two high potential consultants whose previous team leader had left the business. Ambivalent about this opportunity to applying the management techniques she had learned on her junior leadership program and use her experience and energy to achieve great things, Jemma got stuck in. Unfortunately, as the weeks progressed, instead of things going from good to great they started going bad: Objectives were not being met, her team, who previously had come to her for guidance were resisting agreed actions and performance/behaviours were slipping.
As Jemma explained when we met, “I couldn’t understand what was going wrong! I was doing everything I had been taught, I was being the same me as before but nothing was working. I thought I was doing well.” The result was that in the last month she had been called into her manager’s office to be told they were concerned about her performance and were putting her on a performance plan. “I hadn’t realised”, she explained further, “but as time went on I had slowly started withdrawing. I stopped interacting in the leadership meetings, started snapping at my team members and for the first time came to a point where I was waking up not wanting to go into the office. I just couldn’t recognise myself and didn’t like the person I was becoming. Thankfully a friend recognised where I was at and having found themselves in a similar position previously, recommend I get in contact with you as you had helped them navigate successfully through their situation”
Jemma’s story is a familiar one. A new, energised leader takes on the responsibility of a team. The team and the leader are capable and competent in their specialisation and show immense promise. The team and leader have respect for one another. The leader has been on training on how to be an effective manager and goes into the role with a vision and passion for the possible. Then things start to slowly unravel.
The challenge, Jemma started to understand as I coached her through this, is that leaders don’t realise that in essence, they are Agents of Change
“Individuals that are required to create continuous improvement (change) in all their areas of responsibility”
and therefore need to be Change Specialists ”
“Individuals who have, not only the ability to identify the change required but the capability to help the individuals (and themselves):
“You mean I have to go and train to be a change specialist as well now!” Jemma responded somewhat despondently. “Thankfully this is not the case.” I assured her, “All the skills that are taught on leadership programs are key skills required by a change specialist. The problem is that ‘change’ is not specifically covered which causes the problems you are facing and the response you have just given. By helping you understand what change is and why is change difficult, how people attempt to change, and how to go about making change last, you will see how your current skills and knowledge fit in, putting you in a position to cope with the change that is required from you, decide on and action the changes required, and embed the change so that true transformation takes place”
Thankfully Jemma is an individual who realised she needed and wanted to change, knew that she needed help in changing and took the necessary actions she had identified and we had agreed on. Below I outline a few of the key concepts we discussed and grappled with in our time together.
1) What is change and why is change difficult?
The Mirriam-webster dictionary defines change as “To become different” which in itself is what makes change difficult. As James Baldwin, Novelist noted
“most of us are as eager to be changed as we are to be born, and we go through our changes in a similar state of shock”
Change can be shocking:
2) How do people try to change?
Once the perceptions and potential barriers to change had been identified we then started to look at how change occurs and how people try to change. The starting point of this was to understand how people respond to change as well as the drivers for this response. As we had identifies in previous conversations people typically (unless they recognise the need for change, know how to change, accept that they need help to change, and are able and willing to move out of their current state and move to the new state) will resist change. Depending on the level of preparedness and familiarity of said change, as well as their –
this resistance can come across subversively (example :agreeing to taking responsibility for actions and then not following through with these actions) or outright emotional / verbal outbursts, driven by panic or denial/need for avoidance (example: a violent outburst in the middle of a performance review, blaming others)
It’s at this point (hopefully) that people – either through the manager (example: Jemma’s manager putting her on performance management); or through the individual (example: a person who tries to change, however they fail to recognise that they need help in doing this, because they don’t know how) start the change process, which typically fails. The reasons for this are very broad so I have only shared one for each situation
The manager -This often fails because they themselves do not understand the change process and try and fix the person/ situation for the person before having fully understood the causes etc
The individual – Two Canadian psychologists, Janet Polivy and C.Peter Herman, in their paper “if at first you don’t succeed: false hopes of self-change,” American Psychologist 57 (September 2002):684 proposed that self-change failed because of what they termed the False Hope Syndrome or briefly because false expectations are set at the start of the change process.
3) How do you go about making change that lasts
If you are a leader and want to create changes that last, first and foremost you need to become a change specialist. The starting point to this, Gary R Collins, Christian Counselling, 3rd edition, writes is to –
Whether you are self-changing or supporting the change, Gary goes on to give the following advice regarding change that lasts
Gary goes on to share wisdom from Jeffrey Kottler, Making Change Last, that above all this the most critical element to lasting change is “self efficacy”
“The person expects to change, is confident that he/she will change, is willing to do whatever is necessary to bring about lasting change, and is in this for the long run, not just the short term”
Back to Jemma
Through the time we worked together Jemma was able to recognise: firstly how she responded to change and was able to start applying practices that helped her move through the change and become the change specialist she realised she aspired to be. She was also able to identify and label the resistance she was experiencing from her team and with further work had transformational conversations with each of them. The results were that over time her’s became one of the highest performing teams in the business not only because she was applying the principles in her management role but also because she took the understanding of why change is difficult and used it in her sales conversations to truly understand her clients leading to better commitment.
*Jemma is a fictional name to protect the identity of my clients
As part of my ongoing learning and development, I am currently making my way through a phenomenal book by Alan Kendrick, Randy Alcorn, and Stephen Kendrick called
This morning as I studied my new week’s chapter (each week I focus on one chapter, allowing me to truly focus and apply the key message for that week) I had an epiphany about leadership.
RESOLVE TO BLESS YOUR CHILDREN
“I will bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength.”
Now to those who know me, me focussing on this area appears somewhat strange, especially as we (my amazing wife and I) don’t have children, and your confusion would be well placed as I too thought ‘why the heck am I reading this and what possible value could it add to my life?’.
Oh ‘me’ of little faith :0) One of my prayers before any kind of activity is to pray for wisdom in any interactions I have so that I hear, see and learn what my Father voice and in this instance, it came out loud and clear.
“To be a better leader, you need to become a better parent“
The link between parenthood and leadership came about through 2 bible verses/words of wisdom the authors share.
As I read these words the first clear message that came to me was “Parents are leaders, and leaders are parents.” Don’t go away, hear me out…
Below I relay nine things the authors listed (buy and read this great book for all the details) that cause children to lose heart. Alongside each ‘thing’ I have started a sentence which I urge you to complete.
Thing (Definition) “Complete the sentence…”
A) Absence (Not giving full attention; outright not being there)
“When my boss doesn’t give me their full attention (at the appropriate time) I become …..
B) Anger (saying or doing things that wound
“When my boss acts out in anger towards me I …”
C) Unjust discipline (unjustified or administered unfairly)
“When my boss mete’s out discipline unjustly or unfairly I …”
D) Harsch criticism (sarcasm, belittling in private or public)
“When my boss says sarcastic or belittling things to me or about me I …”
E) Lack of compassion (not listening fully, not clarifying)
“When my boss doesn’t listen fully or dismisses my fears/concerns I …”
“When my boss shows as if they have favourites I …”
“When my boss preaches one thing and does another, I …
H) Misunderstanding (not listening and then disagreeing or sharing opinions)
“When my boss shares their opinion or disagrees with me before having fully listened and understood I …
I) Unrealistic expectations (set up to fail)
“When my boss assigns me tasks or objectives for which I am not equipped or skilled to accomplish, I …”
If you are anything like me and the people I have observed in the workplace on the receiving end of any one of these behaviours, I hope you realise that leaders, like parents, have people who need to be treated and communicated with in certain ways. Failure to do this will and does, lead to resentment and withdrawal most definitely a costly and often painful event.
Would love your thoughts and reflection on the above. How do you as a parent/leader ensure engagement and positive development?
Have a brilliant week
I have always been an avid learner continuously reading, watching, reflecting and adapting to better myself and the environment I create. In the past 2 weeks I have had 2 – YES, you read correct – 2! AH HA moments about self which I felt would be valuable to share
Both happened whilst running #leadership programs, each going something like this…(abridged version)
Whilst passionately delivering a motivational #change message, one of the delegates asked “Have you ever been a ‘team manager before?’ to which I promptly (and might I add embarrassingly) replied “No! but I have managed teams in the restaurant and wellness industry and therefore do understand the challenges you face”
Why ’embarrassingly’ you may ask? Well, as I started responding my subconscious self chose to pipe up “NO! STOP! You haven’t clarified the intention/meaning behind the question (level 01 of good #facilitation and a sure way to possibly de-motivate /alienate the delegate/s) and you are coming across as defensive” (mmm, in hindsight I wish a had been recording this. You would probably some interesting non-verbal communication :0)
Remember, this was all happening simultaneously in mere seconds which simply allowed me to…finish what I was saying… pause… draw breath… gain a modicum of composure and say ‘I apologize, I didn’t even clarify why you were asking’ (attempt at damage control) to which the delegate replied…”You are very motivational and would be great leading a #team
Cringe, Please earth swallow me up whole!
Join me in part 2 of this post where I will share the 2nd #experience and my AH HA moments
Enjoy the journey