Words of Wisdom: Authentic Empathy

Instead of labeling a persons actions as ‘Behaviours or Attitudes’ start viewing these actions as attempts by the person to meet their core needs



This morning. as I sat in the quiet stillness of a beautiful dawn and reflected on my day ahead, my thoughts drifted to my housekeeping objective for the day – vacuuming and washing the floors. As quickly as the awareness of what I had committed to do earlier in the week came to mind…

At the start of each week, I set myself objectives for the key areas of my life and then assign these objectives to a daily plan which makes seemingly big tasks such as ‘clean the house’ highly manageable because all I am doing on the given day is the assigned task

…another thought came up as quickly “I’m not overly keen on doing this and I have a lot of other things to do, so I’ll adjust my  commitment slightly” a.k.a vacuum today, wash floors next week ;0

For any of you who have a tight schedule and have experienced the joy of ‘doing what needs to get done, when it needs to get done’, my ‘thought’ hopefully triggered the following response “if you drag this over to next week, then next week you have more to do“. I of course immediately recognised this and with a firm tone said to myself “No, you committed to doing this today! GET YOUR CHORES DONE!

I have to admit that my statement of intent made me feel slightly better (it feels good knowing you are going to follow through on your commitments) and although fully committed to completing this task I still had a slight ‘resentment’. And I realised why – I had to do a ‘Chore’

When I looked up the meaning of Chore the following came up

“A tedious but necessary task”

google dictionary

A job or piece of work that is often boring or unpleasant but which needs to be done regularly”


When we have to do anything that, although necessary, we perceive as ‘tedious’; ‘boring’ or ‘unpleasant’ we typically will either –

Do it but in a reluctant manner, giving less than our full effort and attention

We will find ways to avoid it either ‘rescheduling’ or ‘trying to do it’ (an interesting word ‘tried’)

With this realisation, I recognised how this dirty little word could seep into many things we need to take regular action on – Making those daily sales calls; invoicing clients; calling the people we promised to call back – tasks which have a big impact on our happiness and success.

I have therefore decided, as all good coaches with a grounding in CBT would do, to reframe my language. My necessary tasks which need to be done regularly are now my

“Acts of Love”

It’s was amazing! The moment I thought about what I needed to do as an act of love – in this instance keeping a clean home is an act of love to myself, my gorgeous wife and to my Father in Heaven – the resentment vanished and was replaced by a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

Love requires heart and as the bible says

“whatever you do, work with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters”

Colossians 3:23

Give it a try – start treating your tasks/jobs as “acts of love” and see how you are richly rewarded :0)

*Leadership in Motion was formed to help managers and business owners develop into strong, confident leaders: Leaders who recognise their purpose and authority; and who have the tools and means to equip, enable and empower others to realise their full potential resulting in flourishing organisations, communities and lives

Alex Ferguson was once asked…

This post comes straight from the phenomenal book by Professor Damian Hughes called How to think like Sir Alex Ferguson. My business is developing leaders who are world changers and this is one book I highly recommend for any manager (current or up and coming) Actually, this is for anybody who wants to gain more out of life


Back to the title at hand

This excerpt can be found in the chapter See Change and falls under the heading of Standing room only (not sure which page as I am reading this on kindle – I am at 24% of the book and have 13 min left in the chapter if that helps any)

Sir Alex Ferguson was once asked: ‘If the average coach says 100 words to his players, how many words should a great coach say?‘ … ‘Ten words,’ he said. ‘Fewer if possible.

This blew my mind, but what Professor Damian Hughes follows on with as an explanation is what really rocked my boat

The truth is great coaches don’t spend their time talking. they spend their time watching and listening. And when they communicate, they don’t just start talking. They deliver concise, useful information, and they make the information stick


This stopped me in my tracks. Do I do this? I know that this is my mission and what I aspire to but do i really practice it?

What about you? Would love to hear your thoughts?

Success and ‘Not Yet’

“Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be. If we do our best, we are a success.”
— Zig Ziglar