Negotiating with Influence: Irrefutable Law Three

In yesterdays post on Negotiating with influence: Irrefutable Law Two – Sell it, don’t tell it I shared my first formal attempt at asking for a raise. Quick recap

  • I asked for it – Good 🙂
  • Used the ‘Tell it, don’t sell it approach’ – Not so good 😦

With the result being a resounding “No!” again not so good 😦

I also went onto share a few tips on how to sell it rather than telling it and explained that in every communication the other person is typically thinking “Whats in it for me?” and “Whats is this going to cost me?” which brings us onto Irrefutable Law Three

Irrefutable Law Three : Add Value!

This is worth writing down

“You are not paid [recognised/praised/admired/etc)] for the time you put in,but for the value you bring!”

I first came across this quote whilst listening to a talk by the legendary Jim Rohn, Entrepreneur, Author and Motivational Speaker. Let me write that in case you missed it the first time “You are not paid (regocnised/praised/admired/etc] for the time you put in, bit for the value you bring”

This statement rang true on so many levels and really helped me put another piece into the puzzle of ‘how to sell’ (Law Two). For those of you not in sales when you are putting forward a proposal the art of this proposal is to match it to a persons needs and the needs in essence are the value they want or desire. Note – In this instance the value I am referring to is not the economic value i.e. the difference on price between cost and sales (although this could and often does play a part) but the persons perception of value ad.

The value you need to add is what I call ‘Expected Value’. In essence “Expected Value’ is a combination of the Perceived Value which the economic times defines as the value an individual would pay (or exchange goods and services) for what you are offering plus the level of the need (which is not as obvious to either parties). These core needs at a very high level come down to

  • Certainty
  • Uncertainty
  • Significance
  • Connection
  • Growth
  • Contribution

And although not obvious – because in the most cases they are subconcious drivers – these are where the magic happens if they can be identified and drawn out

Let me share an example

Mr wants extra holiday as his holiday allowance has run out. Miss – Mr boss – needs to authorise this. Because Mr has been reading up on Negotiating with Influence: The Ten Irrefutable Laws he knows that A) He needs to communicate what he wants using the Tips shared, and B) he knows he needs to ensure that he sells his request rather than telling his request.

In his research prior to the meeting with Miss he finds out that there are already three other people on the team who have taken holiday over the same time that he wants to do so and that budget has been restricted for overtime etc. At this point you might be thinking that this is a hard sell? This is where uncovering the real drivers comes in.

In the meeting Mr asks Miss a few needs identification questions and out of this comes the realisation that Miss is pushing hard for a promotion (the extra money will enable her to start her MBA which has always been her dream) and that failure to complete the project on time in budget will severely hamper her goals. Miss’s core need is about growth and certainty. Mr also knows that he has the space to work extra hours and does not need to get paid overtime for this – his holiday time is more valuable than his overtime and personal time at this point

An here’s how Mr adds value to ensure he negotiates with influence

  • Tip 1 –  Use needs based questioning and empathetic listening skills to uncover the other persons needs
  • Tip 2 –  Go into every communication/conflict with the mindset of ‘Whats in it for them’
  • Tip 3 – Do your home work and be clear around what is going on for you, for them and the greater context
  • Tip 4 – Use a phenomenal persuasion technique as shared by Dr Roberto Cialdini, Author, Regents’ Professor Emeritus of Psychology and Marketing at Arizona State University, in his seminal book Influence – the Psychology of Persuasion


Be-aware when using this! Most people when attempting this influencing technique do it like this “if you do this…, then I will do this”

The right way to gain proper influence with this technique is to do it like this

“If I do this…, will you do this?”

And there you have it Irrefutable Law Three of Negotiating with influence: Add value

Tomorrow Irrefutable Law Four

Have an amazing evening


6 thoughts on “Negotiating with Influence: Irrefutable Law Three

  1. Pingback: Negotiate with Influence: Irrefutable Law Four | Leadership In Motion

  2. Pingback: Negotiating with influence: The Ten Irrefutable Laws | Leadership In Motion

  3. Pingback: Negotiating with Influence: Irrefutable Law Two | Leadership In Motion

  4. Pingback: Negotiating with Influence: Irrefutable Law Eight | Leadership In Motion

  5. Pingback: Negotiating with Influence: Irrefutable Laws Nine and Ten | Leadership In Motion

  6. Pingback: Killing the sale … and surviving | Achieve Your Potential

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