“Do you have any tips for me to overcome my extreme nervousness when …?”
A question I come across time and again on social sites,training courses and in colleague discussions. A question which receives a lot of well-meaning and very effective ‘band-aids’ to this possibly debilitating symptom.
Hang on a seven! if these band aids work, then what is the point of this post and Whats with this talk of ‘band-aids’ and ‘symptoms’?
Good point… Have you heard the story about the patient that goes to the doctor with a stomach ache. The doctor prescribes very powerful pain killers (band-aid) and the pain (symptoms) disappears. All is well…until the same pain occurs and the same prescription is given the next time and the next and the next…
Here are three steps to help you on your journey to overcoming nervousness
Stage 1. Acknowledge and accept your ‘nervousness’. Read the following out loud
“Being nervous is normal and healthy!“
“Everybody experiences nervousness!”
Say it again…and again…and again…
Why are you saying this out loud? Because its true!
Nervousness (faster heart beat, sweating, trembling, difficulty breathing, difficulty thinking etc) is a physical manifestation of your emotional state. Emotions are human psychological reactions brought on by physiological processes in the human brain.
Still don’t believe? View this video Brain and Emotion as one example
The quicker you acknowledge your nervousness the quicker you are able to change. Why? One reason is the resultant tug of war which occurs between your ‘natural self’ (your natural being) and your ‘social self’ (the self-created to be okay in the world) (Read Love and Awakening by John Welwood for fascinating in-site into ‘selves’)
The more you try to fight your ‘natural self’ the greater the nervousness becomes.
By acknowledging and accepting your nervousness you stop the tug of war allowing each to sit side by side, resulting in harmony. This harmony creates calmness which allows you to start Stage 2 of the journey to overcoming nervousness.
Stage 2. Identify the cause/s. It is now time to identify and understand the needs and associated beliefs which are causing these emotional symptoms. There are a number of ways to go about doing this, coaching being one of them.
Coaching is a process of creating individual awareness and responsibility through the means of questioning and reflection.
You can either self coach or be coached – my personal experience (especially if new to this concept) – it is far harder to duck and dive the real issues when working with somebody else than when self-coaching.
Clearly identifying the causes of your nervousness puts you firmly in a position to start Stage 3 of your journey to overcoming your nervousness.
Stage 3 Change your mind “Change my mind?!
Absolutely. There is overwhelming research that shows that the mind (your memories/feelings/beliefs) can be changed either through reframing and in some instances removing the memory. This is where a great NLP/CBT coach and/or psychologist comes into play. The most important aspect of this stage is that you are truly willing to change and are truly willing to do the work required.
So there you have it, 3 stages which when applied will help you truly overcome nervousness in any situation.
Enjoy the journey